+ 599 Funny Retirement Quotes That Will Make You Smile

For many, retirement marks the start of the next, best chapter of one’s life. With numerous retirement quotes out there Funny Retirement Quotes it’s hard to find the right words to say to another or express how one is feeling about the big transition. Alas, we have rounded up some of the best retirement quotes for you.

Funny Retirement Quotes

Funny Retirement Quotes

1. “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” — A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

2. “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” — Fred Rogers

3. “What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.” — Unknown

4. “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

6. “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” — Winston Churchill

7. “You can’t retire from being great.” — Unknown

8. “I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.” — Unknown

9. “Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.” — Kellie Elmore

10. “When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.” — Chi Chi Rodriguez

12. “There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” — Robert Half

13. “Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” — Gene Perret

14. “In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you aware in the afternoon.” — Unknown

15. “He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.” — Unknown

17. “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” — Jonathan Clements

18. “Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” — George Burns

19. “Instead of saving for someone else’s college education, I’m currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.” — Jen Kirkman

20. “I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.” — Unknown

22. “Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.” — Unknown

23. “When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” — Unknown

24. “Spreading sheets sounds more appealing than a spreadsheet.” — Unknown

25. “My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.” — Julius Sharpe ‏

27. “People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.” — George Burns

28. “You are a person I really admire, because you are a person who gets to retire.” — Unknown

29. “When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” — R.C. Sherriff

30 “If you really want to annoy me, ask me when I’m going to retire from rock n’ roll.” — Bruce Dickinson

Inspirational Retirement Quotes

Inspirational Retirement Quotes

1. Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you always have been. – J.A. West

2. How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. – Winnie the Pooh

3. We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. – Winston Churchill

4. This is the beginning of anything you want.

5. Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.

6. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Mark Twain

7. To me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing. – Dick Van Dyke

8. Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of a wide-open highway.

9. A lot of friends complain about their retirement. We tell ‘em to get a life. – Larry Laser

10. Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different. – Patrick Foley

11. I see retirement as just another of these reinventions, another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself. – Walt Mossberg

12. Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to. – Harry Emerson Fosdick

13. Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice. – Dianne Nahirny

14. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. – C.S. Lewis

15. Most people spend their whole lives planning their retirement, but when they actually retire, they don’t know what to do. Don’t let this happen to you.

16. As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning. – Earl Nightingale

17. There is a fountain of youth: it is in your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age. – Sophia Loren

18. After climbing the mountain, you can finally enjoy the view.

19. The longer you work, the more money you’ll have for retirement. But the longer you work, the less time you’ll have to enjoy that retirement.

20. I never did a day’s work in my whole life. It was all fun. – Thomas Edison

21. When one door closes, another one opens. – Alexander Graham Bell

22. We work all our lives so we can retire – so we can do what we want with our time – and the way we define or spend our time defines who we are and what we value. – Bruce Linton

23. Retirement is a time for personal growth, which becomes the path to greater personal freedom. – Mark Evan Chimsky

24. What does retirement mean now that there are so many opportunities for learning, for caring, for serving? We can redefine aging. – Rachel Cowan

25. People can’t do anything about growing older because it’s one of the most natural things in the world, but one thing you can control, though, is how you’ll live your life once you’re old enough to retire. – Adrian J. Williams

26. Retirement’s the most wonderful thing. I get to enjoy all the things I never stopped to notice on the way up. After an extraordinary life, it’s time to enjoy my retirement. – Patrick Macnee

Retirement Wishes for Card

Retirement Wishes for Card

1. Retiring means “little-to-no” work. But if you need something to do, my garage could use a good cleaning!!

2. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.

3. I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everyone late for work.

4. I don’t want to. I don’t have to. You can’t make me. I’m retired!

5. I found my calling… retirement!

6. Retirement: When you return from work on day and say “Hi, Honey, I’m home… forever”! – Gene Perret

7. Retirement is when you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

8. I’m not retired… golfing is a full-time job!

9. In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.

10. Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.

11. He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.

12. Now that you’ve gone through birth, crawling, walking, school, and many years of work, you can finally relax!

13. Travel, relax, and spend all of the kids inheritance (they will never know)!

14. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work.

15. Retirement: The world’s longest coffee break.

16. I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So, I do it three or four times a day. – Gene Perret

17. There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. – Robert Half

18. I need to retire from retirement.

19. You know you’re ready to retire when you remember where your office is, but not exactly what you do there.

20. Thank you for your email. I am out of the office… permanently!

21. Now that you’ve got your boss off your back, you can do what you want, when you want, so long as your wife approves!

22. Retirement: A time when showering and getting dressed in the morning becomes optional.

23. I don’t always enjoy being retired… oh wait, yes I do!

24. iRetired: There’s a nap for that.

25. Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf! – Gene Perret

Happy Retirement Wishes from Company

Happy Retirement Wishes from Company

1. You will never have to ask for a day off ever again. Happy Retirement!

2. Welcome to the next, best chapter of your life!

3. Enjoy your never-ending vacation!

4. You can’t retire from being great.

5. Enjoy your retirement! A perfect time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked.

6. The days of 9 – 5 are in the past. Happy Retirement!

7. The position you have waited on for years is finally yours!

8. For the person who gave their best day in and day out, cheers to your retirement!

9. Happy Retirement! Make sure you work just as hard at relaxing as you have in your great career.

10. It’s time to enjoy your life, cherish every moment of it.

11. I wish you a happy retirement filled with love, fun and happiness.

12. Here’s to watching your grand kids instead of the bottom line. Happy Retirement!

13. Congratulations on beating me to retirement. I’ll try not to hold it against you.

14. Congrats to the retiree! You deserve it!

15. Congratulations not only on your retirement, but on all the incredible years of work you put into getting there.

16. Congratulations! I hope you soak up all of the sunshine and fun memories you can.

17. With heartfelt congratulations on your retirement.

18. Best wishes for your retirement and congratulations on your standout career!

19. May all the years that lie ahead bring you much joy and relaxation.

20. Congratulations, here’s to a long, healthy and happy retirement.

21. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

22. Keep busy and make the most of your retirement!

23. May all your bucket list dreams come true for you in retirement.

24. Cheers to making all of your retirement dreams come true!

25. If you get bored, don’t worry I’m only one phone call away!

26. Live well, be happy. Happy Retirement!

Teacher Retirement Quotes

Teacher Retirement Quotes

1) Congrats, now every day is a Saturday!

2) When ‘I’m too old for this shit’ becomes your daily mantra, you know it’s time to retire.

3) Young at heart. Slightly older in other places… Congratulations, and enjoy your retirement!

4) Feel free to call me and visit when you get bored playing around and doing nothing.

5) Now you can enjoy doing nothing all day and relax afterward!

6) We took a vote and decided that you retiring is not good for any of us! It’s been redrawn.

7) Enjoy this new chapter in life, where your wife becomes your boss.

8) Now that you got your boss off your back, you can do what you want, when you want, as long as your wife approves.

9) The money’s no better in retirement, but the hours are!

10) When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Good luck!

11) What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Retired!

12) Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money!

13) You have made your mark, paid your dues, now put on your party shoes! Enjoy this dance party that is retirement.

14) Retirement is the time when you realize that getting showered and dressed in the morning is now optional.

15) Now your only job is to have fun, get good at it!

16) Congratulations on gaining two new best friends upon your retirement. Their names are Bed and Couch. You will be hanging out with them a lot!

17) Retirement: think of it as a six month holiday, but twice a year.

18) Life has officially given you permission to relax, sit back and enjoy.

19) Enjoy the money from the government, you’ve contributed enough over the years!

20) Thank you for bringing so much joy and dedication to the office. We will miss you!

21) Thank you for all the life lessons. I hope you’ll have a wonderful time in your retirement!

22) I hope you enjoy all the adventures you have planned for the future.

23) Wishing you good health, happiness, and success as you move forward to this next chapter in your life!

24) To one of the best and kindest people I’ve worked with, congratulations on your retirement!

25) I wish you wouldn’t retire so I can learn more from you, but I’m very happy for you. You deserve it.

26) I hope you will have a wonderful retirement! You will be missed at the company, but never forgotten.

27) Thank you. You’ve done so much for all of us. Enjoy your retirement

28) Thank you for being you. You have set a great example for everyone at work.

Funny Retirement Wishes

Funny Retirement Wishes

1. It’s been great working with you. Here’s to a well-deserved and happy retirement.

2. All the best wishes on your early retirement!

3. Just think, you’ll never have to sit in on another conference call. Enjoy your retirement!

4. It’s sad to say goodbye, but great to see you are on your way to greener pastures.

5. You are a true friend and an incredibly hard worker. Thank you for your years at this company.

6. You will be deeply missed. Thank you for everything you did.

7. Welcome to your new found freedom in retirement!

8. Enjoy being the boss of your retirement!

9. We hope your retirement is filled with love, laughter, and joy.

10. You’ve worked your entire career for this very moment… enjoy retirement!

11. You will always be remembered for your hard work throughout the years. Thank you for your dedication to the team. Enjoy your retirement!

12. Congratulations on your retirement! While the money isn’t better in retirement, the hours sure are.

13. We wish you the best time off possible.

14. Congratulations on being able to never have to call in sick again.

15. Best of luck with your new retirement!

Quotes About Enjoying Life and Leisure

Quotes About Enjoying Life and Leisure

1. “The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” –Vince Lombardi

2. “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” –Abe Lemons

3. “We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work—and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock!” –Dave Allen

4. “I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is you can’t tell when you are done.” –Unknown

5. “I will not retire while I’ve still got my legs and my make-up box.” –Bette Davis

6. “I need to retire from retirement.” –Sandra Day O’Connor

7. “I wanted to have more time to play and reflect, but I find retirement more stressful than having a nice, steady job because I have to make decisions about where I want to be.” –Walter Cronkite

8. “I’m always announcing my retirement. I’m still not retired.” –Dick Van Dyke

9. “Choose a work that you love and you won’t have to work another day.” –Confucius

10. “Well, I didn’t grow up with that word ‘retirement’ as part of my consciousness. I didn’t grow up with professionals that retired. I thought retiring was when you are tired and go to bed.” –Ruby Dee

11. “Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice.” –Dianne Nahirny

12. “A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell ’em to get a life.” –Larry Laser

13. “Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work.” –Clarence Darrow

14. “I’m not just retiring from the company; I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.” –Hartman Jule

15. “I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” –Danny McGoorty

16. “My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.” –Julius Sharpe

17. “There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” –Robert Half

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