+599 Funny Inspirational Quotes Makes You Feel Love Forever

Laughter is the best medicine in life, and these Funny Inspirational Quotes and sayings are guaranteed to brighten your day by putting a big beautiful smile on your face. No one can ever laugh too much, and these funny quotes will inspire you to smile bigger and laugh harder.

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

1. “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
– Abraham Lincoln

2. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
– Al McGuire

3. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
– Alan Dundes

4. “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
– Albert Camus

5. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
– Albert Einstein

6. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
– Albert Einstein

7. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”
– Alexander Woollcott

8. “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
– Ambrose Bierce

9. “It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”
– Andy Borowitz

10. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
– Andy Rooney

11. “At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”
– Ann Landers

12. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
– Ann Landers

14. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”
– Anton Chekhov

15. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”
– Arthur C. Clarke

16. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

17. “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant

18. “Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
– Benjamin Franklin

19. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin

20. “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
– Benny Hill

21. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
– Bernard Baruch

22. “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”
– Bertrand Russell

23. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
– Bertrand Russell

Funny inspirational quotes for work and life

Funny inspirational quotes for work and life

1. “Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
– Betty White

2. “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”
– Bill Maher

3. “If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”
– Bill Vaughan

4. “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”
– Bill Vaughan

5. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
– Bill Watterson

6. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”
– Billy Connolly

7. “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
– Billy Connolly

8. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
– Billy Sunday

9. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
– Billy Wilder

10. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
– Bob Hope

11. “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”
– Bob Thaves

12. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”
– Bryan White

13. “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett

14. “But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
– Carl Sagan

15. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”
– Caroline Rhea

16. “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
– Casey Stengel

17. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
– Charles de Gaulle

18. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb

19. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles M. Schulz

20. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
– Charles Wadsworth

21. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
– Charlie Chaplin

22. “Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”
– Charlton Heston

23. “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”
– Christopher Morley

24. “If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”
– Chuck Palahniuk

25. “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.”
– Clarence Darrow

Funny inspirational quotes about life that will motivate you

Funny inspirational quotes about life that will motivate you

1. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
– Clint Eastwood

2. “I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
– Colonel Sanders

3. “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’”
– Conan O’Brien

4. “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’”
– Conan O’Brien

5. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower

6. “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”
– Cynthia Heimel

7. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
– Dalai Lama

8. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
– Dale Carnegie

9. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”
– Daniel J. Boorstin

10. “It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.”
– Dave Barry

11. “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
– Dave Barry

12. “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
– David Lee Roth

13. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.”
– David Letterman

14. “The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
– Demetri Martin

15. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
– Denis Waitley

16. “Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.”
– Desmond Morris

17. “As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”
– Dick Cavett

19. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”
– Don Marquis

20. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
– Dorothy Parker

21. “Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
– Doug Larson

22. “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”
– Doug Larson

23. “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”
– Douglas Adams
24. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”

– Douglas Adams

25. “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
– Douglas Adams

Funny inspirational quotes about life and career

Funny inspirational quotes about life and career

1. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
– Dr. Seuss

2. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”
– Drake

3. “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”
– Dylan Thomas

4. “Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
– E. B. White

5. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
– Earl Wilson

6. “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”
– Edward Abbey

7. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard

8. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

9. “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

10. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
– Emo Philips

11. “How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
– Emo Philips

12. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
– Emo Philips

13. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”
– Enid Blyton

14. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
– Erma Bombeck

15. “Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck

16. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”
– Ernest Hemingway

17. “Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald

18. “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”
– Fran Lebowitz

20. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

21. “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

22. “I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”
– Fred Allen

23. “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
– Fred Allen

24. “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”
– George Bernard Shaw

25. “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”
– George Bernard Shaw

26. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
– George Burns

27. “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
– George Burns

28. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
– George Burns

29. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

Funny Inspirational quotes for life

Funny Inspirational quotes for life

1. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”
– George Carlin

2. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
– George Carlin

3. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
– George Carlin

4. “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
– George Carlin

6. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin

7. “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
– George Carlin

8. “To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.”
– George W. Bush

9. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
– Gertrude Stein

10. “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
– Groucho Marx

11. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
– Groucho Marx

12. “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”
– Groucho Marx

13. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
– Groucho Marx

15. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
– Groucho Marx

16. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
– Groucho Marx

17. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
– Groucho Marx

18. “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”
– H. L. Mencken

19. “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”
– Harlan Ellison

20. “It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”
– Harry Hill

21. “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”
– Harry S. Truman

22. “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”
– Helen Rowland

23. “Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
– Helen Rowland
24. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
– Henny Youngman

Short funny quotes and sayings about work

Short funny quotes and sayings about work

1. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
– Henny Youngman

2. “All men are equal before fish.”
– Herbert Hoover

3. “If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”
– Hillary Clinton

4. “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.’”
– Homer Simpson

5. “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.”
– Indira Gandhi

6. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
– Isaac Asimov

7. “I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.”
– J. Paul Getty

8. “My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”
– Jack Benny

9. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”
– Jackie Mason

10. “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”
– James Thurber

11. “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”
– Jane Wagner

12. “Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.”
– Janet Evanovich

13. “According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”
– Jay Leno

14. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
– Jay Leno

15. “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”
– Jean Rostand

16. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”
– Jeffree Star

17. “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

18. “Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.”
– Jessica Simpson

19. “Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.”
– Jim Davis

20. “The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.”
– Jim Harrison

21. “Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.”
– Jim Rohn

22. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”
– Joan Collins

More funny inspirational quotes and sayings

More funny inspirational quotes and sayings

1. “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
– Kin Hubbard

2. “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
– Kurt Vonnegut

3. “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
– Lana Turner

4. “That’s the funny thing about life. We’re rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. The just-misses. The almost-never-happeneds. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.”
– Lauren Miller

5. “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.”
– Laurence J. Peter

6. “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
– Laurence J. Peter

7. “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
– Lawrence Ferlinghetti

8. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

9. “The road to success is always under construction.”
– Lily Tomlin

10. “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.”
– M. Scott Peck

11. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.”
– Mae West

12. “I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
– Marc Maron

13. “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”
– Margaret Culkin Banning

14. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
– Margaret Mead

15. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Mark Twain

16. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
– Mark Twain

17. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
– Mark Twain

18. “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
– Mark Twain

19. “I am only human, although I regret it.”
– Mark Twain

20. “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.”
– Mark Twain

21. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
– Mark Twain

22. “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”
– Mark Twain

23. “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
– Mark Twain

24. “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”
– Mark Twain

25. “Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.”
– Martha Scott

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