+ 599 Funny Family Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud

Family is one of the most important, if not the most important thing in our lives. Taking time every day to appreciate your loved ones for all that they do helps us to reconnect as a family. For that reason, we’ve provided a collection of our favorite Funny Family Quotes that remind us of the love shared between family members. These family quotes and family sayings are perfect to celebrate your love for your family members.

Funny Family Quotes

Funny Family Quotes

1. Families are like fudge … mostly sweet with a few nuts. – Unknown

2. My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film. – Penelope Lombard

3. If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion. – Ashleigh Brilliant

4. Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. – Evan Esar

5. In some families, “please” is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was “sorry.” – Margaret Laurence

6. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. – Wayne Huizenga

7. Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist. – Michael Levine

8. A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. – Ogden Nash

9. In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat. – Anna Quindlen

10. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

11. When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. – George Bernard Shaw

12. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. – George Carlin

13. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. – Chelsea Handler

15. Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller

16. Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. – Ralph Bus

17. In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television. – Erma Bombeck

18. Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. – Sam Levinson

Cute Family Quotes

Cute Family Quotes

1. ~ I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ~ Erma Bombeck

2. ~ Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. ~ Robert Frost

3. ~ Never raise your hand to your children, it leaves your midsection unprotected. ~ Robert Orben

4. ~ A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn’t make fun of another man’s cross-eyed aunt.~ Mark Twain

5. ~ The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions. ~ Robert Brault

6. ~ More boys would follow in their father’s footsteps if they weren’t afraid of being caught. ~ Anonymous

7. ~ The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness. ~ Nancy Mitford

8. ~ The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. ~ Sam Levenson

9. ~ I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. ~ Lewis Grizzard

10. ~ Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back. ~ Earl Wilson

11. ~ Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. ~ Robert Orben

12. ~ The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. ~ Bertrand Russell

13. ~ Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. ~ John Wilmot

14. ~ By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. ~ Charles Wadsworth

15. ~ A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. ~ Ogden Nash

16. ~ After all, what is a pedestrian? He is a man who has two cars-one being driven by his wife, the other by one of his children. ~ Robert Bradbury

17. ~ My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called ‘Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.’ ~ Penelope Lombard

18. ~ Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. ~ Evan Esar

19. ~ In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent. ~ Robert Brault

20. ~ If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same. ~ Robert Brault

21. ~ One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world. ~ Proverb

22. ~ I grew up to have my father’s looks, my father’s speech patterns, my father’s posture, my father’s opinions, and my mother’s contempt for my father. ~ Jules Feiffer

23. ~ This is the reason why mothers are more devoted to their children than fathers: it is that they suffer more in giving them birth and are more certain that they are their own.~ Aristotle

24. ~ Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired. ~ Delia Ephron

Blended Family Quotes

Blended Family Quotes

1. Families are like fudge – mostly sweet, with a few nuts. – Les Dawson

2. Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back. – Earl Wilson

3. The most important thing in the world is family and love. – John Wooden

4. Nothing is better than going home to family and eating good food and relaxing. – Irina Shayk

5. A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. – Ogden Nash

6. The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions. – Robert Brault

7. To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. – Barbara Bush

8. In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony. – Friedrich Nietzsche

9. Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off. – Ralph Bus

10. All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. – W.C. Fields

11. I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom. – Bob Hope

12. The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. – Erma Bombeck

13. As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

14. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. – Sam Levenson

15. Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. – Anthony Brandt

16. Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. – Lisa Weed

17. Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee. – David Frost

18. Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. – Jerry Seinfeld

19. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. – George Carlin

20. One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family. – Jonathan Safran Foer

21. From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge. – Jarod Kintz

22. Family is just accident…They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are. – Marsha Norman

23. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

24. The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst. – Marge Kennedy

25. I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on. – Ugo Betti

26. If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that members not present and subjects discussed were one and the same. – Robert Brault

27. Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says. – Marcelina Hardy

28. In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat. – Anna Quidlen

29. In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent. – Robert Brault

30. A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. – Evan Esar

Family Quotes About Connection

Family Quotes About Connection

1. Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. – Michael J. Fox

2. I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house. – Anthony Anderson

3. If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. – George Bernard Shaw

4. The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness. – Nancy Mitford

5. In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry. – Margaret Laurence

6. If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion. – Ashleigh Brilliant

7. Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. – Friedrich Nietzsche

8. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. – Wayne H. –

9. The memories we make with our family is everything. – Candace Cameron Bure

10. Family is family. – Linda Linney

11. For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. – Jeff Foxworthy

12. Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. – Douglas Adams

13. Never let an angry sister comb your hair. – Patricia McCann

14. I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?Jeff Lindsay

15. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. – Rodney Dangerfield

16. I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. – Erma Bombeck

17. Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired. – Delia Ephron

18. The family is one of nature’s masterpieces. – George Santayana

19. In time of test, family is best. – Burmese Proverb

Short and Sweet Family Quotes

Short and Sweet Family Quotes

1. “Tennis just a game, family is forever.” – Serena Williams

2. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

3. “Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” – David Ogden Stiers

4. “The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.” – Dodie Smith

5. “The most important thing in the world is family and love.” – John Wooden

6. “In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” – Eva Burrows

7. “Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice.” – Reinhold Niebuhr

8. “Family is where life begins & love never ends.” – Unknown

9. “Where there is family, there is love.” – Unknown

10. “Family is the heart of a home.” – Unknown

11. “Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr

12. “Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.” – Unknown

13. “In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” – Friedrich Nietzche

14. “Spread love. Hug the people you care about and make sure they know that you care and appreciate them. Make it known to your friends and family that you love them.” – Germany Kent

15. “Love your family. Spend time, be kind & serve one another. Make no room for regrets. Tomorrow is not promised & today is short.” – Unknown

16. “My family is my life, and everything else comes second as far as what’s important to me.” – Michael Imperioli

17. “The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” – Marge Kennedy

Famous People on Family

Famous People on Family

1. “Family is a unique gift that needs to be appreciated and treasured, even when they’re driving you crazy. As much as they make you mad, interrupt you, annoy you, curse at you, try to control you, these are the people who know you the best and who love you.” – Jenna Morasca

2. “It didn’t matter how big our house was; it mattered that there was love in it.” – Peter Buffett

3. “When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family.” – Jim Butcher

4. “The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.” – Maxime Lagacé

5. “Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life.” – Albert Einstein
6. “Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” – Michael J. Fox

7. “Family life contributes immensely to an individual’s happiness. Only in a happy home life can complete contentment be found.” – Dorothea S. Koppliln

8. “There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human, are created, strengthened and maintained.” – Winston Churchill

9. “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – Leo Tolstoy

10. “The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.” – Thomas Jefferson

11. “Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.” – Lisa Weed

12. “What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” – Mother Teresa

13. “Family is family.” – Linda Linney

14. “Nothing is better than going home to family and eating good food and relaxing.” – Irina Shayk

15. “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

16. “What divides us pales in comparison to what unites us.” – Ted Kennedy

17. “Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.” – Shailene Woodley

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