+ 599 Funny Drinking Sayings and Quotes

Even the most serious thing in the world has a funny side; drinking is no exception. Here is a compilation of some of the Funny Drinking Quotes you may have ever heard … especially if drinking is not your forte.

Funny Drinking Quotes

Funny Drinking Quotes

1. “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” – Dorothy Parker

2. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

3. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey

4. “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E Ellis

5. “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” – Rodney Dangerfield

6. “I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen KingFrank

7. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra

8. “I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits

9. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart

10. “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.” ― Bette Davis

11. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash

12. “The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.” – Michael Caine

13. “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler

14. ‎”I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.” – Ava Gardner

15. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ~Oscar Wilde

16. A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world. – Louis Pasteur

17. Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right. —F. Scott Fitzgerald

18. A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her. – W.C. Fields

19. He was a wise man who invented beer. – Plato

20. Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. -Pope John XXIII

21. “Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” Noel Coward

22. “I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not” – Coco Chanel

23. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” ― Rumi

24. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”― Joan Collins

25. “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time” -Catherine Zandonella

Awesome Alcohol Quotes And Sayings

Awesome Alcohol Quotes And Sayings

1. “Alcohol You Later.”

2. “Trust me You can Dance – Alcohol”

3. “If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.”

4. “I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.”

5. “Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL”

6. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” — Seneca

7. “Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.”

8. “Always buy a bigger bottle than you think You’ll need. Better to be safe than sober.”

9. “People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.”

10. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” — G.K. Chesterton

11. “Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean, against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.”

12. “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” ― William Butler Yeats

13. “Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway

14. “Trust me: You can dance — Alcohol.” — Unknown

15. “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard

16. “If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.” — Unknown

17. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright

18. “I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.” — Unknown

19. “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin

20. “Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL” — Unknown

21. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” — Seneca

22. “Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.” — Unknown

23. “I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel

Funny Drinking Quotes, Sayings And Captions

Funny Drinking Quotes, Sayings And Captions

1. “Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.”

2. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”

3. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”

4. “One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.”

5. “I know I should give up drinking; but I am not a quitter.”

6. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

7. “One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”

8. “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

9. “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

10. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”

11. “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an Oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard

12. “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright

13. “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin

14. “I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel

15. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”

16. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

17. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

18. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”

19. “The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.”

20. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner

21. “Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.” -John Fletcher

22. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.”― Jerry Vale

23. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

24. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

25. “Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.”

26. “I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”- Brendan Behan

27. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

28. “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron

29. “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best

30. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”- Ernest Hemingway

Beer Quotes

Beer Quotes

1. “He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato

2. “Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!”

3. “Let’s have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.”

4. “Beer doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you need to drink lots of it.”

5. “Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” – Henry Lawson

6. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”- Kaiser Wilhelm

7. “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”- John Churchill

8. “How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.”

9. “If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”—David Daye

10. “People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.”- Capital Brewery

11. “I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.”

12. “In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.”

13. “There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.”

14. “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.”- Jack Handy

15. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”

16. “I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year’s eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.”

17. “The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.”

18. “A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.”- Frank Lloyd Wright

19. “I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.”

20. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” ― George F. Burns

Wine Quotes

Wine Quotes

1. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”- Rumi

2. “Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.”

3. “Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.”

4. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

5. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald

6. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.”

7. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” -Pope John XXIII

8. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.”

9. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur

10. “This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.”- Samuel Johnson

11. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins

12. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”- Steve Martin

13. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.”

14. “If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.”

Funny drinking captions

Funny drinking captions

1. “People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.” — Unknown

2. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” — G.K. Chesterton

3. “Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.” — Unknown

4. “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” ― William Butler Yeats

5. “Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway

6. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown

7. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” — Unknown

8. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” — Unknown

9. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” — Unknown

10. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”- Rumi

11. “Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.” — Unknown

12. “Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.” — Unknown

13. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

14. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald

15. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown

16. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — Pope John XXIII

17. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.” — Unknown

18. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur

19. “This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.”- Samuel Johnson

20. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins

21. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”- Steve Martin

22. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” — Unknown

23. “If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.” — Unknown

26. “The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.” — Unknown

27. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner

28. “Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.” -John Fletcher

29. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.”― Jerry Vale

30. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

31. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

32. “Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.” — Unknown

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